


i miss you

by renjunscafe



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, kinda angst, side renmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 10:46:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17000112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renjunscafe/pseuds/renjunscafe
Summary: boys can be stubborn when they think their best friend, whom they're secretly in love with, hates them.





	i miss you

it all started as a mistake. donghyuck was sitting on jeno’s lap, facing him, hands resting on his own knees with a mischievous smile plastered across his face. teasing his best friend had been his favorite hobby for the past few years and, from the look of it, it was not going to change anytime soon. 

  
"stop looking at your phone.." he whined, when in reality, what he meant was _please please please, pay attention to me._

  
as expected, jeno didn’t move an inch, purposely ignoring the redhead who clicked his tongue in disapproval. he bent forward, starting to peck his cheek, once, twice.. and then the other cheek, making sure that the other couldn’t properly use his phone even as his lips made their way to his forehead.  
a few kisses later and jeno had to give in.

  
"god, you’re so annoying." he chuckled, his eyes crinkling as his smile grew brighter. he could probably light up the darkest of rooms with a smile like that, or at least that’s what donghyuck thought.

"oh? i’m the annoying one? you invite me here just to spend the entire time glued to some stupid game. it’s not even multiplayer."

"ok, here, look." he said as he put his cellphone down on the other side of the small couch his dad had set up in the basement, alongside his games console and a tv screen, for him. "happy?" he asked, jokingly sighing.

 

"very."

 

as to express his new found happiness, donghyuck cupped the other’s cheeks, puckering his lips as though he was about to go in for a kiss. but what he didn’t expect was for jeno to actually tilt his head up and lock their lips together before he had the time to just smack his own and laugh while the other would try to lightly punch him as they had done so many, many times. after a second of bewilderment, donghyuck pushed jeno a bit further into the back of the couch while jeno’s hands easily made a home of his friend’s hips. 

soon enough, half of donghyuck’s fingers found their way to the roots of jeno’s dark hair meanwhile he grabbed his shirt with the other five. he wanted to keep him close, strangely, he felt like letting go would mean losing him forever and maybe that scared him a whole lot. at this point his eyes had fallen shut and everything felt like a blur. the buzzing in his ears made it sound like his brain was about to fry in his skull and he was so out of everything that he almost didn’t notice the tugging at the hem of his own shirt which made him realize that jeno had parted his lips and so he parted his, and so they Kissed, with a capital K.

 

of course donghyuck had kissed people before, but this felt different, it felt new. as if everything he thought he knew about kissing had always been blatantly wrong. as if every other pair of lips on earth had been put there to try to fill up a void before they met each other’s, except this void could never be fully filled until they did, because in this moment nothing had even the slightest importance. nothing but the mix of their breathing, nothing but the tip of their noses slightly brushing against each other’s face. every other kiss felt meaningless. because they fitted perfectly.

 

donghyuck’s mind was racing but everything felt so slow, he could almost hear his own heartbeat. or maybe was it jeno’s? he didn’t know. didn’t really care either. the sky could’ve been breaking open right above their heads and he probably wouldn’t have noticed it. from their lips moving like they were meant for one another to his fingers running through his best friend’s hair, everything felt so natural. maybe too natural. and soon, all of this became too much and donghyuck could feel it weighting over him and he couldn’t take it. 

 

what was going on? what would happen next? donghyuck couldn’t focus on anything as he was suddenly drowned in thoughts.

  
when he pulled away, it was clear that this was not supposed to happen, not now, not like that. but what had been done had been done and they couldn’t erase it anymore. jeno scratched the back of his own neck, and even though he was smiling, donghyuck could tell this smile carried something more, something that kept him from shining as much as he usually did.

 

"should we..erh.."

 

"i should go home. it’s kinda late, my mom’s gonna freak out." donghyuck said, getting up before the other could even think of finishing his sentence. jeno looked at him and when their eyes met they both knew that he was lying, that his mom hadn’t given him a curfew in the last three years. they both knew that donghyuck was just trying to run away but neither of them tried to stop it. and so he did. he went home and buried himself under his blanket.

 

 

 

two weeks. 

two weeks since it had happened, two weeks during which they hadn’t really spoken except for a few texts here and there, nothing more than basic small talk as a cover up for how much they actually missed each other. not a word about **_it_** , about what was keeping them apart. the scene kept replaying in donghyuck’s mind and as much as he used to dream of jeno’s lips, of kissing the little mole under his eye, just thinking about it now made him feel sick to his stomach. 

  
"that’s crazy." jaemin said loudly, causing donghyuck to snap out of his reverie and the librarian to shush at him, a reprimanding look on her face.

  
"wh.."

  
"how you haven’t listened to anything i’ve said because you were too busy thinking about jeno, yet, you can’t bring yourself to text him." he explained, lowering is voice this time.

 

"oh, but i’ve texted him."

 

"c’mon.. that’s not what i meant and you know it.. hyuckie, please. i don’t like seeing you like this." 

the pink haired boy was pouting, still playing with donghyuck’s fingers as he had been for the last half hour. they were supposed to study but of course donghyuck couldn’t focus. today was the third friday of the month and he and jeno usually spent the night binge watching animes together on jeno’s couch. the very couch on which they were sitting two weeks ago when **_it_** happened.

 

"no but you don’t _get it_. i did this to myself, it’s my fault that everything went to shit and i just.. i don’t know how to fix it."

 

"but he was the one to kiss you, right?"

 

even though donghyuck knew that he was right, he couldn’t help but feel that it was his fault. he was always playing around and teasing people, especially jeno, so of course someday he would get caught in his own game. he couldn’t help but think that maybe if he hadn’t bolted, maybe things wouldn’t be as awkward. maybe he would have found a way to laugh it off or maybe he would have actually confessed. but it was too late for all of that now and just being able to still be jeno’s friend seemed like it could be enough for him.

 

"yes? maybe? i don’t know i just.. i’m stupid okay. i’ve made everything awkward and he probably _hates_ me now."

 

"do you even hear yourself? oh my god i can’t believe you, renjun is going to lose his mind when i tell him this."

"yeah right.. just go laugh about my misery with your boyfriend. i deserve it anyways." he pouted, letting his head fall on the table between them.

 

jaemin immediately let go of donghyuck’s hand to pet his hair. the redhead closed his eyes at the touch, trying to relax for a bit.

"stop being an idiot, okay? there’s no point in ignoring what happened.. it’s just hurting the both of you so please, please please PLEASE, talk it out or something."

  
"yeah, yeah.. i’ll think about it.." he said, half falling asleep because of the boy playing with his hair. 

 

as if jeno wasn’t the only thing he could think about. as if he hadn’t played out every possible scenario of them talking things out in his head already. some of them actually had happy endings but the hard part was to actually do it. no matter how many texts he had typed out, at the end of the day, they were nothing more than forgotten drafts.

 

_ting_

_ting_

_ting_

eyes opening at the sound, donghyuck straightened up on his chair almost automatically. he couldn’t care less about the eyebrow raise that the other boy was throwing him, he just needed his phone. after fighting with the zipper of his bag for a few seconds he managed to grab what he was looking for and when jeno’s name popped up on the screen, it was hard to tell wether he was more scared or excited.

 

>hey, i won’t be able to watch animes tonight

 

>my moms having friends over

 

>hope u have a great evening

  
the texts read.   
donghyuck wasn’t expecting to actually watch anything with jeno in the evening but having the confirmation somehow made him feel worse. about everything.   
still, he found it in him to reply, and so he did,

  
< k, have fun ^^

  
once the text sent, he slid his phone across the table to show it to jaemin.

  
"it’s over." he whined, taking his face into his hands.

 

 

 

"i still don’t understand why you couldn’t just tell him to come over at yours." renjun said.

 

"oh my god you don’t get it either, do you?"

 

"the only thing i’m getting from this is that you’re a coward." the shorter boy sighed, stretching his legs out on the couch so that his calves were resting on jaemin’s lap.

 

when donghyuck had showed jeno’s texts to jaemin earlier in the afternoon, the younger one had immediately invited him to spend the night with him and his boyfriend. Though donghyuck couldn’t help but feel like it was out of pity, he accepted. 

 

"no but listen. he said he wouldnt be able to watch animes, not that we wouldnt be able to do it at his place. see? he straight up cancelled."

 

"well..you can’t really expect him to invite himself into your home after what happened."

 

"jaemin’s right. especially since you’ve been acting so distant."

 

"ME? just say you’re on his side, what the hell?" 

 

he knew jeno was just as much as a friend to them as him but donghyuck had a hard time accepting that everyone wasn’t agreeing with him. 

 

"has he or has he not been texting u good morning everyday these past few weeks?"

 

"well yeah but not everyday..he probably just feels sorry for me. your point?"

 

"have you engaged any conversation?"

 

misunderstood. he was misunderstood by his best friends and he was not enjoying it. this evening that was supposed to be a way to keep his mind off things turned out to be the complete opposite. at this point, crawling into bed and sleeping his misery away seemed like it was his best option.

 

"i dont see where you’re going with this. i’ve been answering all his texts. ive even used those ugly laughing emojis that he loves." 

 

they both sighed. donghyuck couldn’t listen to them, he did not want to. jeno hated him, he knew it and as much as it hurt he just could not see it any other way.

 

"hyuck, you really need to realise that you’ve just been hiding and isolating yourself from him while HE has been at least trying."

 

"i’m doing everything i can!" he almost cried. 

  
"are you, tho? it seems to me like you’re doing the bare minimum, if not nothing. why should he be the only one making efforts?" renjun said, probably a bit more harshly than he meant to.

 

this hurt. this hurt because, as stubborn as he was, donghyuck could see how it was true. and he did not want to. he was not ready to. so he kept on trying to come up with excuses.

 

"you say that like it isnt easier for him! he has nothing to blame himself for, he has no stupid reason to be embarrassed."

 

"this again? really?" jaemin asked, looking slightly annoyed to donghyuck’s great displeasure.

 

"i didnt come here to get scolded."

 

"well maybe if you stopped being a child we wouldn’t have to tell you this. you know, he feels just as bad as you do, but at least he’s doing something about it."

 

"im going home."

  
"hyuck thats not going to resolve anyth-"

  
but the redhead had already exited the room, leaving the two boys to stare at each other in disbelief. he couldn’t believe that his best friends would treat him like this. especially after inviting him to « cheer him up ». now the only thing left to do for him was to go home and think about how this very evening COULD have turned out. at jeno’s. with jeno.

 

 

 

01:34 AM; donghyuck’s alarm clock was projecting on his room’s ceiling in red light. the redhead had been sleeping for around two hours when he suddenly opened his eyes, facing the deception that was reality compared to the "can i call u" text he had just received from jeno in his dream and to which he had immediately replied positively. why he had woken up so suddenly, he did not know but what was certain was that he was determined to go back to sleep and continue dreaming. 

 

his eyelids shut he couldn’t help but let out a groan when his phone started buzzing on his night table. only opening his left eye he tried to grad the object of his discomfort to turn it off but when he caught it in his hand he could see the name on the screen, even if it looked slightly blurred to him. no questions asked he took the call and quickly brought the phone to his ear.

 

"hyuck?" it sounded like a whisper. almost unsure.

 

"..yea?" hyuck replied, half asleep, still not really understanding what was going on.

 

"ohmygod you replied to my text so i thought you were awake..did i just wake you up? i’m sorry i can call later" jeno hurriedly said.

 

and then it hit him. he was not dreaming, this was never a dream. donghyuck rose in his bed, sitting down before clearing his throat.

 

"what? no no no, it’s fine i’m awake!"

 

silence. 

 

donghyuck started biting his lower lip, wondering where he went wrong this time. this whole situation was just taking a toll on his confidence but he remembered what renjun had said. that he should engage the conversation. as much as he still needed to be mad at the shorter boy, he was going to take his advice. 

 

breathe in..

"so..did you erh..how was tonight?"

  
...

  
‘’i mean, t’was okay, i guess. could’ve been better.’’

  
..breathe out. it felt as though donghyuck was just now realizing how soothing jeno’s voice could prove itself to be. how calming and appeasing it had always been to him. he was his best friend. his best friend with whom he had fallen in love a bit more each passing minute. he did not exactly understand it, but his heart was suddenly submerged. 

  
"oh..yea i see what you mean. you know, i- i think we should.."

  
"we definitely should..actually, that’s the reason i was calling in the first place." jeno replied immediately. "d’you think maybe we could see each other tomorrow?.." 

  
_he sounds unsure. he’s probably already regretting this._ donghyuck couldn’t help but think. maybe it would hurt less if he said no first instead of giving him the chance to cancel. but then again, jaemin and renjun had told him jeno had been feeling bad too, perhaps he wanted to try believing them. perhaps he kind of wished it was true.

  
"erh..yea. yea sure."

 

"nice. well, i’ll probably be home all day so you can come by my place whenever in the afternoon, ok?"

 

"sure! let’s do that. see you tomorrow then?"

  
"yea!" jeno replied, mumbling something that the other boy couldn’t quite grasp. "miss you.." donghyuck thought he had heard before they hung up. but he was not sure and did not want to get his hopes up for nothing. still, the thought of jeno missing him would not leave his side and the mashed up words kept replaying in his mind.

  
when his head fell back into his pillow, donghyuck couldn’t close his eyes, it was the middle of the night but he just couldn’t go back to sleep. so much was going on inside his head, he wasn’t tired anymore, no, he wanted to call jaemin, to tell him what had just happened and how happy yet stressed he was about it, about possibly getting his jeno back or messing it all up once again. maybe he needed reassurance, or maybe he just needed to externalize all of these thoughts and feelings that were pushing one another, disorganizing everything in his skull.

 

 

 

  
a little after noon, donghyuck decided it was time to get ready, and so he did. an hour later he opened the front door, that was it, he really was going. the usually short bike ride passed by even quicker this time and soon enough, maybe too soon, he was standing on jeno’s porch, trying to get himself to knock on the wooden front door.

  
when jeno opened the door he was wearing this hot pink hoodie that donghyuck loved. the redhead couldn’t help but slightly smile at the sight. he looked adorable. his tan skin was complimented by his dark hair and the radiance of his sweater just kept adding onto his beauty. greeting donghyuck with a smile, he told him to come to the basement with him since his parents were watching tv in the living room. 

  
"so.." they both started awkwardly, facing each other as donghyuck was sitting on the couch and jeno on the fluffy wine coloured rug the redhead had chosen for him a few months back.

they laughed, a bit. but then the silence. donghyuck was biting the inside of his cheeks, looking around as though he did not know this whole house by heart. the seconds seemed to stretch in this never ending lack of words and donghyuck had a hard time not feeling like he should have stayed home.

  
"so." jeno said, drawing donghyuck’s eyes back onto him as soon as the sound had escaped his mouth. "about last night..i really didn’t mean to wake you up by the way i’m sorry"

"it’s okay! i wasn’t really sleeping anyway."

"yea..so i was saying uh..i called you because..yesterday felt weird. not spending the evening with you i mean." he said, scratching the back of his neck.

  
donghyuck could have sworn everyone could hear the deafening sound of his heart beating in his ears. playing with his own fingers he tried not to look down.

  
"not only yesterday actually.." jeno continued. "these past few weeks have just been..i don’t know."

  
"empty?" donghyuck finally managed to say. "everything kinda felt out of place honestly." he continued as jeno nodded in agreement.

  
"yea exactly.. also, i’ve been meaning to apologize about.. about what happened you know. i shouldn’t have done it."

 

"what? no! it wasn’t your fault. it was mine! i’m the one that wants to apologize. i shouldn’t be playing around like that all the time it’s.."

 

"yea but see, that’s the thing. i should’ve known you were just playing..i shouldn’t have.. i mean." he stopped for a second, seemingly thinking about how to phrase what was to come. "my feelings don’t mean i have the right to do that out of nowhere. it’s not right." he said, eyes running away from the boy in front of him.

  
_feelings uh.._

  
"it wasn’t out of nowhere..i asked for it and..wh- feelings? what do you mean?"

"i thought i made that clear when i kissed you. hyuck, i’ve been..kinda..i mean.."

 

this tendency jeno had to overuse ‘i mean’ when he was scared of being wrong or of saying the wrong thing never stressed donghyuck more, he just needed an answer, a clear one.

  
"what? you mean what?" he said, kind of harshly even though he did not mean to.

 

"i mean i’m..kinda..in love with you..? i guess? but i mean, i know my place and i know it was wrong to kiss you like that and that’s why i’m sorry, i was selfish."

 

donghyuck looked at him, unable to keep a small smile from making its way onto his lips. 

 

"jeno..i kissed you back, you know that, right?"

"yea..i thought..actually i didn’t really think about it, given how you ran away i just felt like i had made you uncomfortable, you know."

 

"oh no..i left because i thought i had made YOU uncomfortable..it was never my intention to make you feel bad i’m sorry i thought you hated me.."

 

"hyuck i could never."

 

"ok good..because..maybe i’m kinda in love with you too..maybe."

 

"oh my god..we’re so stupid, aren’t we?"

 

"i can’t believe this." hyuck said in a giggle. "we really wasted two weeks just because we were being dumb and dumber."

 

"right!" jeno was laughing too. "by the way, how have you been?"

 

and just like that, they started catching up. everything felt natural again and donghyuck couldn’t have been happier. at some point jeno joined him on the couch. they laughed, a lot, and not once did they stop talking, one could’ve thought they had not seen each other for years.

 

"wait i have one last question." donghyuck said suddenly after they had agreed not to tell everything to renjun and jaemin because they knew they would make fun of them.

 

"shoot"

 

"don’t laugh if this is wrong but did you whisper i miss you before hanging up last night?"

"oh..well..i mean.." jeno started, blushing as he was searching for words.

 

"you romantic FOOL i can’t believe this!" donghyuck bursted out laughing, keeping to himself how adorable he found the other boy in this very moment. "you think i can actually kiss you now or is it too soon?"

"i’ve been waiting." jeno smiled, as brightly as he used to, and maybe, just maybe, donghyuck’s heart melted a bit as he linked their lips.


End file.
